Originally edited and posted by Elite Daily at : http://elitedaily.com/dating/using-tinder-never-want-to-again/1817040/
Three years ago while I was at the bar with my best guy friend, I had my first encounter with Tinder. While I knew that he never had an absence of women to go home with, I didn’t know that his latest ploy was finding them on an app that selected and located them for him. I’d been out of the single game so long being married, that when I got divorced I was amazed at how girls could just put themselves out there like that for any random stranger to gawk over. With their bathroom and car selfies, tits showing and duck face in full effect, it was like an open invitation to either get screwed or screwed over.
Whatever they were looking for, even if it was just a hookup, I felt sorry for the girls he swiped because if they ended up falling for him they had no idea who he really was or how it would play out. I love him dearly, but like most seasoned male Tinder predators, he’s had his heart broken from time to time causing him to fall into straight fuckboy mode- attractive and charming, but only looking to get one thing out of Tinder.
Some years later, I was in a place where I just needed to go on actual dates again- like a night out with a new man that included effort, not just showing up to my place at 10pm on a Thursday night. I was in fuckboy mode myself, needing a distraction from being hurt and spending all of 2016 as a semi- side chick who was being promised a change that would never materialize.
After my friends begged me to get over that shit and get back out there and back online, I decided that Tinder was the way to go since I wasn’t necessarily looking for a relationship, just something else, anything else.
I was reluctant to do it because I felt like I was contradicting myself. After everything I said and made fun of with my guy friends, there I was, bikini photo, car selfie pictured me. Of course I kept my class and remembered I’m a mommy and kept it real in what I wrote, which I believe said something like- “I’m not into games” and “looking for someone with good intentions”. Looking for someone with good intentions?? Really Marcey, on Tinder??
I may not have known what I was getting myself into, but I knew I would get something out of it, and I did. Here’s both what I got and the hard lesson I learned about what some guys expect from girls using Tinder:
My Tinder blew up instantly and I got my temporary fix on how many Super Likes I got, even if I didn’t even know what the hell that meant. Almost every guy I swiped was an instant match and the ones who weren’t later became one. I even had guys reach out to mutual Facebook friends asking about me, or skipping that all together and private messaging me on messenger. Most messages I didn’t respond to even though I secretly loved the male attention and soaked up the compliments from complete strangers because it was what I needed at the time.
Seeing how many guys responded to my looks and not a damn thing I wrote was entertaining for about a week. Then it got annoying. No, I don’t want to meet up with you at 11pm, didn’t you read what I wrote? I was just about over it, when someone finally captured my interest.
2. Actual Dates I Was Looking For
Not long after, I was singing Tinder’s praise and ready to write all about how not everything people say about Tinder is true and it’s not just a hook up site. I needed to tell single girls everywhere that you can definitely meet a guy who isn’t out to just fuck you and you can have several amazing dates, which I did, even though it was only with the one person I actually followed through with.
Was it really that easy that I got what I wanted from Tinder less than two weeks in, a few of the best dates I’ve ever had and an intense connection that I rarely find with any guy, much less on a dating app-And I’m beyond satisfied with my find?? It sure as hell seemed that way so I deleted Tinder even though I hadn’t even so much as glanced at it in weeks.
3. Sex, sex and more sex
Like my guy friend, the guys on the app went after girls they knew had no relationship potential and who were in it just for the sex. OR, they encountered the girls who were annoyingly looking for love and took them out for a spin anyway because they were hot. So if I was neither of those types, where did that leave me?
I wasn’t sure, but I knew the time felt right, so I let myself enjoy what most people say is the biggest perk of Tinder, sex. I’ll just say this, it was well worth the few weeks I waited. My mind was completely blown. Thank you Tinder.
4. A Hard Lesson Learned
When my “find” ended abruptly, I was pissed at myself and regretted ever getting a Tinder profile. And I was sad. It sucked no longer having the day to day nonsense texting with him, DMs of funny memes and sending Snapchat pics. When funny things, that I knew he would appreciate happened, I couldn’t text him, send a pic or take a screenshot anymore. I missed all that just as much as I just missed his face. I thought I was immune to all this bull shit and knew what I was signing up for.
Yes, I might have gotten a few of the things I came for, but I overlooked the fact that I might actually find something that was everything I wanted that just wouldn’t be accessible to me the way I wanted it to be. More importantly that if we met on Tinder, he probably thinks I knew and understood this from the very beginning.
Even with my guard up, I ironically attracted someone who was another version of my best guy friend- in a different package. I ended up being one of those girls that I used to feel bad for that he preyed on. I had no one to blame but myself. I’m smart enough to know that if a guy has Tinder or any dating app at all, he has an easy opportunity to bail when he feels like it because it gives him too many other options. If he questions one thing about the potential you have for anything more, or if he needs an escape, it’s just too damn easy for him to login and attract something new and easier with a swift wipe of the finger.
Personally, I think if you keep your expectations low, if you’re OK with the fact that you might only get a good time out of it and if you don’t get too wrapped up in the whole thing, then get on Tinder, ladies. You won’t be disappointed.