After taking a little break from the blog, I decided that what better time than now to come back guns blazing for 2017. I mean it makes sense considering this is the time when everyone is thinking about all the life changes they are going to make this year, much of which only last until March. Which is totally normal, I don’t blame you for quitting the gym by then because it’s so god damn crowded and there’s nowhere to park and not one free cardio machine in sight until June. It’s okay to eat carbs again in 2 months or start swearing again by Valentine’s Day when you are home alone eating a box of chocolates watching The Notebook. Go ahead, talk shit about that co-worker that is pissing you off, because realistically you are lying to yourself if you vow to never say anything bad about anyone in 2017. I’m not here to teach that lesson today. But I am here to tell you that this has to be the year to remove selfish, toxic people from your life.
Anyone who brings negativity to your life, hurts you, uses you, makes you feel bad about yourself or brings out the worst in you needs to go. You don’t need me to tell you that. It’s a no brainer. But I’m only human and in fact, have made the same mistakes many times over, so I know at times, it’s hard to let these types of people go because you really want them in your life because you truly care deeply about them or have known them for so long, or you’re hoping they will change and will finally deliver on all the things they have been promising you. You tell yourself that you have such a connection that it would be a shame to let that go. Well, let me say this, if you had a genuine reciprocal connection, aka, they actually gave a shit about you, this person would do the things they needed to do to be a permanent fixture in your life, not dip in and out, only returning on their terms when they need something. Believe me, I would love to sit here and be the eternal optimist when speaking about the honesty and good intentions of others, but if 90s movies like Cruel Intentions and She’s All That taught us anything, it’s that everything’s a bet and you can’t trust anyone.
Let’s talk about why people lie. That’s very simple, to avoid consequences or get what they want. End of story. You may get lied to by omission, which, newsflash, is still a lie. Or get drip fed bits and pieces of the truth over a period of time. Drip drip drip.The intention being that you may be able to handle the truth if you’re given it in small doses. Hell, even liars like to feel some sense of honesty within themselves and because they’ve given you small portions of the truth or left key parts out, for them they’re not doing anything wrong. Here’s some advice from me in this case, the one diet that doesn’t work with smaller portions is the bull shit diet. Either way, I’d personally rather be given some sort of effort filled bull shit that I can dissect later, than to have someone straight out avoid me in order to save their souls. When someone runs for the hills because they aren’t brave enough to take the heat for their behavior, that’s low. They may think they have a conscience or didn’t do anything wrong because they never had to explain it or never got confronted. Typically these cowards return at a later date when they feel they are no longer going to be asked questions they will have to answer with lies. Like you’re going to think, “Oh thanks for sparing me, I won’t ask you what the hell just happened”. Seriously?? You don’t need their favors, do yourself a favor and remove that poison from your life. They owed you more yet they didn’t even respect or care enough about you to explain anything to you, they just disappeared either overnight or pulled the good old gradual phase out on you, hoping you wouldn’t notice that they were no longer in need of your services.
Sometimes we punish ourselves for allowing this to happen to us. Especially when we already know history repeats itself. I’ve thought many times, only fools get played like this. You can’t blame someone for showing up to the all you can eat buffet if we’ve opened the door and posted a sign saying come stuff your face for free. But just because you wouldn’t do something like exploit someone’s generosity, sincerity or feelings for you, that doesn’t mean they won’t do it to you. Honest people want to feel their honesty is reciprocated, so it’s only natural that we hope for the best and believe in someone we truly care about. Unfortunately, you can’t compare your ethics to other people’s, you aren’t them, and you don’t have a lack of moral code and aren’t missing that sensitivity chip that Jennifer Aniston once said Brad was missing. And now look, even the biggest Brangelina supporters have to admit that Brad got his karma.
So how do we know when to “cut the cord”, as Dan, a bff work husband of mine says? Look for the shade in the trees and trust your instincts when something doesn’t feel or sound right. Because that inner voice of doubt, in our deepest moment of uncertainty is usually where the truth lies. Listen to it. A person’s character will always show you who or what they are. And when someone shows who they are over and over again, at some point we have to say to ourselves, “Am I fucking blind???” It doesn’t matter if they say they need a friend, give you a sob story, or say they made a mistake (one that they won’t hesitate to make again). Yes, this can be tricky when you really do miss someone and enough time has passed, you may feel it’s only right to give them another chance, OR you think maybe everything happens for a reason and like divine intervention brought them back to your life or some shit. But I’m here to tell you to take the fucking rose colored glasses off. You are not in a movie. This is real life and you’re not going to feel better about their presence in your life, you’re going to feel anxious and afraid that they’re going to disappoint you again, because they will. You’re going to start looking and feeling crazy waiting for the other shoe to drop because you know the pattern all to well. And once you let that show, they have nothing better to use as a pathetic excuse for their treatment of you other than that you’re crazy so it’s ok. So, if you’re at a point where you literally cannot try anymore or waste another ounce of your life or breathe trying to have another “talk” with them that goes absolutely nowhere, then it’s time to go. It’s only a matter of time before they’re deleting and discarding you again anyway, and you’re smart enough to sense when and why it’s coming. So close the door and deadbolt it shut.
People who mean you no harm, do you no harm. As someone who has many, many sincere, trustworthy, good natured souls in my life, and others dying to get in, I can tell you this, there simply cannot be anymore room in your heart, brain, or bed for someone who kills your spirit and drains you emotionally. Leave that blank space open for the ones who make time and space for you in their lives because they want to, not because you’re an option, back up plan or are temporarily serving a purpose for them. Know your worth and that you don’t deserve that, especially when you are fucking amazing and have so much to offer. I know I didn’t deserve even half of what’s come my way over the past few years, especially a painful divorce. It can be very sad when things don’t end up the way you wanted and you have to leave someone you love behind. But how others treat me is their problem, how I react is mine. So for those who didn’t make the cut this year, I wish you well. Maybe one day, you can recognize right from wrong and lay your head down at night feeling that you are an honest and good person. But until that day comes, just know that you can’t hide from who you really are, a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Unfortunately, 2017 is the year of the Rooster.
Happy New Year My Fellow Hens!