Whenever someone asks me what my favorite book or movie of all times is, there’s no question, hands down it’s Gone With the Wind. Not only because I’ve always pretended to see myself as a modern day version of Scarlett, (minus the 18 inch waist), and named my dog after her, but also because I loved everything her and Rhett stood for. They never cared what anyone thought about them. Yes, I always wish it ends differently every single time and that he would come back and pick her up off the floor and tell her it was okay she screwed him over his whole life waiting on her stupid Ashley. But instead, he decided he didn’t give a damn about her selfish pain in the ass ways anymore. She really is like me…

There’s something to be said about people who just don’t care what other people think. They excude confidence. They shoot from the hip. They do what they want, say what they want and  wear what they want. They don’t apologize for it, like Scarlett and Rhett. I like to think I’m like that at times. Of course I know what hat to wear when I need to wear it and can certainly pretend to give a shit when I need to, like in that boring ass meeting or with someone who I come across during the day who I can’t stand. It’s not about being fake, it’s about being appropriate and respectful. My dad always taught me this. He’s always been the voice of reason in my life and the one to help me pull my head out of my ass and hold it high. He’s also told me not to care what other people did, said or thought. One night after a few, or several, drinks with me and the family, he said something that stuck, even though no one remembered it the next day but me. He said, “Marcey let me tell you something about the Olive Garden people, even though they’re not real Italians like us and their food sucks, they have the best quote because it sums up our family, when you’re here you’re family, but when you’re not fuck you.” Serious words of wisdom from a man who survived having five daughters.  While I’ve seen my dad get fired about things he cannot control, like traffic on the Whitestone on the way to Citi Field, I’ve also heard him say many times over, that people are going to do what they want to do regardless and all we can do is focus on ourselves and what we need to do. Enough said.

Of course, I know this already, everyone does. But how do we start not giving a fuck if we haven’t already? Whether it’s about the way we look, the way we feel or what someone else does. Yes, it helps when we are having a bad day at work and my partner and I blast Big Sean’s, “IDFWU”, mostly because it reminds of us of that crazy Saturday we had on the shore..but still. There’s something about the phrase, “I swear I had it up to here, I got no ceilings to go”. Only I would reference Gone With the Wind in conjunction with Big Sean. Whatever, the point is,  it’s all about not giving a fuck and not worrying about what others think or what they are doing or not doing.

Almost every day I hear about or analyze situations or relationships, including my own. Most of this involves frustrating, confusing or hurtful circumstances where we try to play detective in deciphering the meaning of something someone else did or said where usually, there is no God damn meaning.  We go into tailspins over various situations, other people’s behavior, and of course start second guessing our actions or choices and going down the coulda shoulda woulda road. When all we should be focusing on is how we are responding to the situation now. I’ve seen it all, from co-workers, mother in laws, best friends, to fuckboys. They do something that blows our minds and we spend countless hours, that we are never  getting back, deciding why the hell they did that.  When it’s better to stop wasting time focusing on what they’re doing and change how you feel about it instead. Then when you are done with that, plan your exit from the drama ASAP. What we forget sometimes is that our brains are exclusive to us, our brains are all unique, unless you’re an amoeba, which I have met a few of. We think the way, we think and unless it’s a man thinking about sex 24/7, or a girl who shares a brain with her BFFS, (yes I do), then all thoughts and reactions are different. And yours are the only ones that can pull you out of despair.

You’re not going to be able to control everything that happens to you, so stop sending texts, emails and mindless conversations to the forensics lab, (which yes, I am human and guilty of at desperate times). What you can do is minimize the bull shit in your life by deciding to give zero fucks instead of 100 or even 10. Easier said than done, I know. But it doesn’t hurt to try. Someone doesn’t like how you look or how you act, doesn’t agree with your point of view,  doesn’t want what you want, doesn’t see things the way you do, brush it off, move on or elsewhere where the fuck is equally given back to you. Stop trying so hard because trying to fit a square peg into a round hole rarely works, and if it does, it’s probably all busted up. If you can’t change it, accept it for what it is or  what it never will be. You shouldn’t have to force something or someone to change their point of view or see what you see. The thing is, everyone has their own agenda, some with themselves front and center. These are the people who do not give a fuck about you or anything that you do, regardless. Others may care, but not enough. And that’s ok, just know where you stand at all times and don’t compromise who you are. Because you’re your own person, not defined by what someone else thinks or says. Be you, wear what you want, smile, stick your ass out, keep your head up and be fabulous because chances are there are many other amazing things going on in your life that you should give that fuck to where a fuck is actually due. For every one person who doesn’t say what you want, there’s several who will want to do anything you say.

 

 

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