This one’s for my girls, as I promised….
One of my best friends in the world, D, is the ultimate benefit of the doubt giver. And while this typically leads to me telling her every detail of something bad I’m plotting and then waiting for her “Fuck it Marce, who cares, have fun” response, sometimes I wonder where you draw the line when your friends are making decisions that you think aren’t good for them, whether it’s with men, their kids, work, or food, yes food. No doubt D knows things no one else does and I will continue to run to her for her optimistic point of view to make me feel better every time. Like when someone cancels on me because their hand fell off, then they lit themselves on fire by accident and their neighbor’s cousin’s dog got hit by a car, all at the same time. D’s right there saying, “Maybe their hand got caught in the car door…Well it hasn’t rained so fire potential is high this season. And that’s so sad about the dog, I hope it’s ok!” Yep that’s her. Despite this, there is always a point where D has had enough too and tells me when I need to lay down the law. And it’s only just in time, for I’ve usually gotten to that point too, on my own, as well. With every group of friends everyone has an archetype, plays a different role and brings something different to the table. If you’re like me, you feel very lucky to still have such a a close group of girlfriends at this stage in life.
The friends that you’ve had forever know you inside and out and have shared everything with you. From the first time you both got the “Rachel” haircut to the phase of wearing men’s flannel shirts with Filas thinking it was sexy, to the time that you lied to your parents for refilling the Absolut bottle with water after they left you home alone for two hours. All the while, thinking you were the shit for doing so. None of us ever told each other, “Don’t do that.”. I think about my friend, K, who has inspired me by always telling me to do whatever my little heart desires and has, on several occasions, busted out singing the “The Heart Wants What It Wants” to me. Her theme song. K encourages us all to have fun and not take anything too seriously. I go to K not only when I want to dance on tables at the bar at midnight, even when she’s 5 months prego, but also when I want truth steeped with a little self gratification. I love it. Then there’s the voice of reason in two of my other bffs, J and J. These girls are smart and practical. They listen, focus, strategize and break down the facts for me in an attempt to lead me on my own path of less destruction. Sure, give them a little red wine and they might be singing the latest asshole’s praise, but I know where they stand when we all wake up the next morning with throbbing heads and annoying toddlers demanding milk while playing their drum sets at 7am.
My very best friend, M, gives me lots of tough love. The girl is a saint for sticking by me all these years. She’s the one who’s driving me home at 4 a.m. then getting her ass to work for 7 a.m. just 3 hours later. Endless texts, calls, obsessive thought patterns, tears, 3 hour long stories, she’s endured it all from me. “Delete that message Marcey, don’t play that song, unfollow their ass”. She says do it NOW. And I do. If I slip up, I hide it from her. Then I end up telling her less than 24 hours later. Why? Because I know she, like the other real friends in my life, will always be there for me and support my decisions no matter what. Yes she may want to punch me in the throat or pull her own hair out at times, but she won’t abandon me for making mistakes in life because it’s MY LIFE. This is what true friends do. They might not always agree to you running back to that one guy for the umpteenth time, or that you just gave your kid Pez for breakfast or posted a ridiculously edited selfie on IG. They still love and accept you, even when you’re behavior is straight up embarrassing. This is where I must also give a shout out to the college girls for keeping watch when I peed in the dorm stairwell when our room was literally 4 steps away. Good looking out ladies.
I’m sure we all have that one friend with the intense will power. My good friend, A, keeps me on my toes as the food police. She makes me eat healthier and warns me before I devour that snickers from the vending machine at work. She knows I’m gonna complain about my ass the next day and is honest with me about eating Taco Bell when we’re in the dressing room at Old Navy in swimsuit season while I’m throwing shit on the floor because nothing fits me. She’s got my best interest at heart. So I don’t eat kale and grilled chicken and work out at 4 a.m., screw that. But she accepts my wannabe Kardashian looking butt and the fact that I like Bud heavy. Other friends will tell you don’t call out tomorrow, you have that big meeting and we are off all next week anyway, (which has never stopped a person like me anyhow). While others will tell you to call out and spend the day getting your nails done and looking for clothes at Forever 21, which are no longer appropriate for 35 year old moms.
As friends, we want the best for the people we love. We want them to be happy. We want their lives to be full. Most of all we don’t want to admit it but we don’t always want to hear their whining, crying, drama and complaining when they screw up in life, especially when we have told them thousands of times not to do something and they did it anyway. But a true friend does listen and does care. You can’t force anyone to make the decisions you want them to or to do what you think is best. Only we know what’s right for us. A good friend, (and a good therapist, if I do say so myself), will lead you in the right direction without force, maybe give you a gentle nudge, but mostly will help you open your own eyes with reflection and empathy. And sometimes that’s all it takes. And if you fall off the wagon, they show up with Tito’s and Sauvignon Blanc. I love all my friends for everything they see and love in me. But sorry girls, at the end of the day, I will still let Jake listen to rap in the car (radio edits only of course) while he consumes sugar. I will still post those IG pics, and continue to miss that one guy after all these years. Because I feel like it, that’s who I am. I know they will always hold me down, will always be around, never be lowdown and will never turn their backs on me.
With Love, M